By Jab

Article I – This product is meant for entertainment purposes only.

  • Section A – Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.

Article II – Void where prohibited.

Article III – Some assembly required.

  • Section A – Batteries not included.

Article IV – Use only as directed.

  • Section A – Do not use while operating motor vehicles or heavy equipment.
  • Section B – Use only in a well-ventilated areas.
  • Section C – For off-road use only.

Article V – Addressee will pay postage.

  • Section A – Do not stamp
  • Section B – No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
  • Section C – Post office will not deliver without postage.
  • Section D – Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.
  • Section E – Place stamp here.

Article VI – Subject to OAC.
Article VII – Terms are subject to change without notice.

  • Section A – Your use of our Site following any such change constitutes your agreement to follow and be bound by the terms and conditions changed.
  • Section B – We may change, move or delete portions of, or may add to our Site from time to time.
  • Section C – We may from time to time change the terms and conditions that govern your use of our Site.
  • Section D – Site Contents, Unless otherwise noted, all materials,
    including images, graphics, illustrations, design, icons, photographs, written and other materials that are part of this Site (collectively, the “Contents”) are copyrights, trademarks, trade dress and/or other intellectual properties owned, controlled by Adiquet.com web site.

Article VIII – This is not an offer to sell securities.

  • Section A – No purchase necessary.
  • Section B – Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery.
  • Section C – You must be present to win.
  • Section D – For a limited time only.
  • Section E – No substitutions allowed.
  • Section F – Allow four to six weeks for delivery.
  • Section G – Offer valid only at participating sites.
  • Section H – Limit one-per-family please.
  • Section I – No money down.
  • Section J – Employees and their families are not eligible.

Article IX   Health

  • Section A – If condition persists, consult your physician.
  • Section B – If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading.
  • Section C – For external use only.
  • Section D – Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes.
  • Section E – Sanitized for your protection.
  • Section F – If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician.
  • Section G – Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health.
  • Section H – Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid prolonged exposure to Jokes and News.
  • Section I – May cause any of the aforementioned effects and/or death.
  • Section J – This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
  • Section K – These statements have not been evaluated by the food and drug administration.
  • Section L – Apply only to affected area.

Article X – May be too intense for some viewers.

Article XI – For recreational use only.

Article XII – Do not disturb.

Article XIII – All models over 18 years of age.

Article XIV – Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place.

  • Section A – Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
  • Section B – Keep away from fire or flames.
  • Section C – Keep away from sunlight.
  • Section D – Keep away from open flames.
  • Section E – Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 117 degrees Fahrenheit.
  • Section F – Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source.
  • Section G – May explode if disposed of in fire.
  • Section H – Do not short circuit.

Article XV – You may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it.

  • Section A – This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my Dog.
  • Section B – Don’t quote me on that.
  • Section C – Don’t quote me on anything.
  • Section D – Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law.
  • Section E – This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted.
  • Section F – Article is provided “as is” without any warranties.
  • Section G – Read at your own risk.
  • Section H – Reader assumes full responsibility.
  • Section I – Parental advisory – EXPLICIT LYRICS.
  • Section J – Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised.
  • Section K – Read only with proper ventilation.
  • Section L – This Site and its Contents are controlled and operated by Me from its offices in My Home.

Article XVI – Possible penalties for early withdrawal.

  • Section A – Ribbed for your pleasure.
  • Section B – Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
  • Section C – One size fits all. ( Are you sure about that? )
  • Section D – Slippery when wet.
  • Section E – Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to PERFORM.
  • Section F – Penalty for private use.
  • Section G – Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
  • Section H – Some equipment shown is optional.
  • Section I – First pull up, then pull down.
  • Section J – Profuse Sweating, or Heart palpitations.
  • Section K – The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom.
  • Section L – No shoes, no shirt, no Ass.
  • Section M – Safety goggles may be required during use.

Article XVII – Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to … arrows, bullets, shot, BB’s, light sabers, fazers, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.).

  • Section A – Other restrictions may apply.

Article XVIII – No user-serviceable parts inside. Times approximate. Simulated picture. This site as a whole is protected by copyright all worldwide rights, titles and interest in and to which are views of Adiquet.com web site. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms, which seem right for you. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Edited for television. Process promptly. List was current at time of printing. At participating locations only. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Sign here without admitting guilt. No movie passes allowed. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. No passes accepted for this engagement. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins.
Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses, pigs, donkeys or other wise stated. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate.
Photos do not Bend! No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Press Break to Shift. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. All rights reserved. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Hand wash only. Tumble dry on low heat. An equal opportunity Ass. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Keep away from pets and small children. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig.  Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. Live long and Prosper.  No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. Slightly higher east of the Rockies. Must be 18 to read. This supersedes all previous notices.

Article XIX – It is understood that you have read and agreed with the terms stated in this disclaimer and can now proceed.

  • Section A – If all else fails … Just add water …

Article XX – And if you sat there and read this whole thing …

You have been warned!