I lay here awake thinking to myself,
Thinking out loud.
I wonder why … I wonder how.
Sometimes I sit here and sometimes I don’t.
I toss and turn.
Thinking … why so hard?
This tension, burning, desire;
That cannot be fulfilled.
Why?
I can think all night,
I can stay awake.
I want to know why.
Have I seen a sign? Have I loved wrong?
Am I not the person who I though I was?
Am I wrong?
I toss I turn.
I am awake thinking … why do I torment myself?
Is it love?
Have I fallen in love?
Fallin in love with a love I cannot have?
Why?
Why then do I love so?
When I cannot share this beautiful feeling,
the longer this emotional extravagant feeling.
Why must I stay alone? Why must I be in the dark?
Why must I cry inside, outside?
Why are you not here with me? Why did you leave me?
I am sorry.
I am sorry I cannot be like him.
I am sorry I cannot hold you … I cannot change your mind.
I will never hurt you. I can never mislead you.
I will never leave you in the cold.
I will be there to warm you.
Why am I still here? You are with the one you love.
But you tell me you love me too.
I toss I turn.
I am alone again. So in the cold.
So far away … so alone.
Seeing your smile brings me back.
Seeing him sends me away in a corner,
In a ditch out in the cold.
Looking in.
Can I hold on? Can I?
When you choose to go the other way.
Away you have always known.
Then why should I be so sad, if you are so happy.
Because I know I fill your every desire – you told me.
I know your every touch – you told me.
I know where to go – you told me.
I know where to kiss you – you told me.
I know you love me – you show me.
Yet that does not change the way you feel about him.
You are still with him.
Why?
I ask myself.
You see sad at times with him, you come to me.
I want you to be happy.
– I toss I turn