I toss I turn

I toss and turn. Thinking … why so hard? This tension, burning, desire; That cannot be fulfilled. Why? I can think all night, I can stay awake. I want to know why. Have I seen a sign? Have I loved wrong? Am I not the person who I though I was? Am I wrong?   I toss I turn. I am awake thinking … why do I torment myself? Is it love? Have I fallen in love? Fallin in love with a love I cannot have? Why? Why then do I love so? When I cannot share this beautiful feeling, the longer this emotional extravagant feeling. Why must I stay alone? Why must I be in the dark? Why must I cry inside, outside? Why are you not here with me? Why did you leave me? I am sorry. I am sorry I cannot be like him. I am sorry I cannot hold you … I cannot change your mind. I will never hurt you. I can never mislead you. I will never leave you in the cold. I will be there to warm you. Why am I still here? You are with the one you love. But you tell me you love me too.   I toss I turn. I am alone again. So in the cold. So far away … so alone. Seeing your smile brings me back. Seeing him sends me away in a corner, In a ditch out in the cold. Looking in. Can I hold on? Can I? When you choose to go the other way. Away you have always known. Then why should I be so sad, if you are so happy. Because I know I fill your every desire – you told me. I know your every touch – you told me. I know where to go – you told me. I know where to kiss you – you told me. I know you love me – you show me. Yet that does not change the way you feel about him. You are still with him. Why? I ask myself. You see sad at times with him, you come to me. I want you to be happy.   - I toss I turn